the legend of maryjam

i thought about maryjam munoz today. maryjam was a student i had in my first semester of the PEP class at balboa. she was so interesting. and by interesting, i mean annoying as hell. she was a complete girly girl, constantly looking into her pink johnson and johnson mirror and powdering her face, putting on lipgloss, or fixing her hair. she couldn't focus on class at all because she was too busy talking through it or applying makeup. when we would talk about personal goals and timelines, she would express her aspirations of becoming a "mo-del" because she had light skin and was "soooo pretty". it was enough to want to smack the blush off her cheeks. when we'd debrief in our wednesday teacher meetings, we, especially the women teachers, would try to tactfully address the issues we were having with maryjam. but after the meetings, all tact would go out the window we'd just bitch about how much she irritated us with her internalized oppression and self-centeredness.

and then one day allyson asked me, as any great mentor should... why? seriously, why is this CHILD, who is doing nothing more than displaying annoying behavior, causing me to absolutely loathe her? i thought about it. had some conversations about it. and like a brick thrown by marijam herself... dum dum dum.... i realized SHE WAS JUST LIKE ME! it was that learning moment that brings to light all your biases and prejudices. without this becoming a therapy session in blog format, i'll just briefly explain. imagine looking dead into a mirror with all the natural light, showing all the things about yourself that makes you cringe. the pores, the cellulite, the ashy, uneven skin tone and all. it was like having to do that everyday in the classroom with marijam. the very things i've tried to reject in myself are so unapologetically displayed in marijam's behaviors. and i had such a hard time dealing with her.

so today, i was finishing off program with a group of students with my co-facilitator robert. we had a young woman in class who had the strongest personality you can imagine. super bright, had tremendous life experience for being 15, was clearly an influential leader and of course... an entitled f*in brat. on day one, there came a point in program when she and rob were practically yelling at each other. i ended up having to remove her and her entire group of followers to come to some agreements about their participation in the program. at the end of the day, rob was so exhausted with how the day went and frustrated with our "alpha dog". then i realized... this is his marijam! she's black, she's lesbian, she displays more masculinity than any young man in that room, and she clearly wants to dominate any space she's in. as the "alpha dog" himself, he immediately butt heads with her. for me, yeah, she required a lot of attention, but i didn't feel as exhausted or irritated with her as rob did, probably because i didn't internalize her presence in the same way rob did. it goes to show how we can project so much of ourselves onto the young people in our lives, whether its students or even our own kids. (there's a little girl soul out there somewhere thanking the stars that i'm not her mother).

of course at the end of the day, everything turns out fine. our "alpha dog" and rob were buddies by the close of program, and marijam will always remain in my mind and *heart* as an icon. if i could make a shirt with her face on it, i would (you know me and making shirts!) i don't necessarily remember all of the well behaved students i've had in program, but you can bet i'll never forget marijam.

and now, a look at the new and improved marijam (and yes, i took this from chamina's blog)...